What makes me thankful...

Sixteen months ago, 30 strangers arrived in Lesotho to become teachers. Last week, 23 of them gathered to celebrate their Peace Corps Mid-Service at Ka Pitseng Hotel.

It was an exciting, occasionally emotional, but absolutely joyful three days. A chance to see friends from all over Lesotho- fellow volunteers we hadn't seen since we left our Pre-Service Training over a year ago. It was a time to reflect. Celebrate successes. Mourn the departure of the seven PCVs and friends who weren't with us in Lesotho anymore. Look back on how far we'd come, and how much we still had yet to accomplish at our schools and in our communities. And for me, besides being an incredible reunion with friends, it was a chance to take stock of what I'd given and gained.

On our second afternoon together, the Peace Corps Staff lead us through an activity to reflect on why we'd joined Peace Corps and where we were emotionally at this point in our service. They hung signs on the walls, each one with a different mentality or "emotional state" written on it. For example, there was an "I'm can't wait to leave Lesotho!" sign, an "I'm doing exactly what I came here to do" sign, and an "I'm excited about the next year... Whatever happens, happens." sign. They gave us a moment to reflect, and then asked everyone to go and stand beneath the sign that best represents their current state-of-mind, 16 months into Peace Corps service.

The answers were varied... Some surprising, some absolutely predictable. I, shockingly enough, found myself alone beneath my sign. My sign read, "I feel that I am receiving more than I am giving from this experience." Now, there were obviously other signs that I also, in part, identified with- such as the more popularly chosen sign that read, "I can see the results of my work here." But I felt confident that I'd made the right choice...

That's because when I think about my life in Lesotho, I feel overwhelmed by an immediate sense of intense gratitude for this experience. Gratitude for the beautiful, amazing, Basotho friends in my life, who have made my life so much richer with their diverse perspectives and unique worldview. Thankful for the overwhelming kindness and hospitality I receive from people, who receive nothing in return from helping me. And yes... I am sometimes lucky enough to glimpse the positive results of my work here. But to be honest, I don't see those results every day. In fact, it's a rare day when I see true change, that I have created. That's, in part, what makes this work so emotionally difficult and frustrating... I have to trust that the returns on my investment will be there, 10 or 20 years down the road, when I'm already onto a new adventure in a new part of the world.

But the statement, "I feel that I am receiving more than I am giving from this experience." really struck a cord with me. It was true for me in a way the others weren't, not just because it was true... But because it's true EVERY single day of my life here. It's not just true on the easy days. Even when I have a horrible, awful, frustrating day that makes me want to curl up under the covers and never come out... I still feel grateful. On the days when I feel vulnerable and unsafe, and would give anything to transport myself to the fluffy red, couches in my parent's living room, where my mom and I would curl up with a big bowl of popcorn and a movie... I still feel thankful. When I get so angry at my inability to make my students understand a basic concept, and become absolutely convinced they'll never learn... I still know there's something powerful about this experience.

Every single day of this life makes me a stronger, richer (in the metaphorical sense, definitely not the monetary one! Ha!), and more grace-filled person... And THAT makes me grateful.

With Love from Lesotho... -Mary E.